The Moneygoround
During my final semester at college, I worked on an independent study for my favorite (and coolest) professor, Mr. Toby Miller, which focused on Reaganomics, class conflict, and the yuppie as portrayed in 80s films. I really had to reach to find source materials because, at the time, it was difficult to find a large amount of truly worthy 80s analysis in literature and even online, since so little historical distance has passed since the 80s.
I utilized a number of great non-fiction works from the 80s and 90s, including Yuppies Invade My House at Dinnertime, America; What Went Wrong? et al. I utilized a number of great fiction works including Bonfire of the Vanities, American Psycho, et all. Even more fascinating, I screened 80s movie upon 80s movie, everything from Flashdance to Baby Boom to The Big Chill to St. Elmo’s Fire to Bad Influence to Big, seeing close to fifty movies in a three week period (research is FUN).
But there was one resource I needed desperately. I hunted high and low in bookstores, online, and in libraries. The libraries’ copies were stolen. It was the first item I ever listed on my Amazon wishlist and, for years, not one single copy surfaced on Amazon. I couldn’t even find a photo of the book’s cover online. The book, out-of-print for several years, seemed to be impossible to find (WTF!)
The book is called The Yuppie Handbook: The State-of-the-Art Manual for Young Urban Professionals.
The other night, while updating my wishlist, I came across a (wait for it) like-new copy of the handbook (OMG!). Within seconds, I placed my order, and sat by my mailbox for three days (LOL!).
It was a happy day when I reached into my mailbox and molested my bubble-wrapped gift. I tore it open and held it close to my bosom as I ran up the five flights to my apartment. Before my jacket was off, I was giddily sitting on the edge of my sofa reading excerpts aloud…to myself (ROFL!). It was kind of like getting drunk alone, only less pathetic, and less detrimental to my liver (IMHO!).
The handbook includes sections like: Yuppie: A Dictionary Definition; Yuppie Role Models; Some Essential Vocabulary Words; Yup and Away: A Yuppie Vacation Guide; What Shall We Name the Baby Yuppie?; Yuppie Backlash: A Case Study.
Had this wonderful handbook been in my possession at the time of writing the aforementioned thesis, I could have easily tacked on several more pages. Nevertheless, my project totaled a whopping 100 pages and I received an A; however, I believe a revision is in order. This resource, sort of the prototypical Hipster Handbook, is invaluable and I will cherish it dearly forever.
June 1st, 2006 at 3:39 pm
It’d be fun to have an audiobook of that read by Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman.
June 1st, 2006 at 3:43 pm
Nathan, I couldn’t agree more. There is actually a section in the handbook, “A Day in the Life of a Yuppie,” which starts off with:
7:00am Digital alarm clock goes off. It is programmed to play a cassette of Pachelbel’s Canon in D Minor.
7:02am Krupps Coffee machine turns on automatically, while Jennifer rewinds Jane Fonda Workout videotape.
7:03am Jennifer breezes through advanced segment while Michael lathers up with a natural boar bristle brush and Crabtree & Evelyn shaving soap in a wooden bowl.
Et cetera, et cetera. It’s…a…laugh riot. It looks like there are some more used copies on Amazon – get to it!
June 1st, 2006 at 4:39 pm
I think it would be even moe fun to have it read by Kermit The Frog. Afterall, he did the whole yuppie thing in The Muppets Take Manhattan.
June 2nd, 2006 at 2:44 pm
And wasn’t there also a “Preppie Handbook” before that as well? Because before we were old enough to hate yuppies, there were the preppies. It’s always someone.
June 2nd, 2006 at 3:49 pm
Eric, right you are! The Preppy Handbook looks great – I might have to order that next. I see on Amazon there is also a Southern Belle Primer and Tipsy in Madras: Complete Guide to 80s Preppy Drinking.
Hilarious.
June 2nd, 2006 at 8:54 pm
And to illustrate my utter lack of cool, I spelled it with an -ie. Now I am on my way to eat something I don’t like (sushi) with people that I do. Why am i telling you that? I.don’t.know.