fireballs & tsunami

As a descendant of Poles, Scandinavians, and Eastern Europeans, my lifelong diet has consisted largely of potatoes, bread, and meat…and I LOVE IT. In fact I enjoy eating meat so much that if I miss an opportunity to consume steak, bacon, or chicken during any given day, I find myself desperate and grazing on beef jerky, bacon bits, or my newest object of affection, ostrich jerky from my neighborhood’s Amish Market.

At home I enjoy preparing tacos, beef stew, baked chicken, Hamburger Helper…and especially chili. MMM. While homemade chili is preferable, sometimes a good old can of Hormel (No Beans) Chili will suffice. The Hormal Chili With Beans is fine, too, but…well, what has two thumbs and likes meat? [Points to myself]. THIS GUY. Yes, yours truly prefers a can of meat to a can of meat and beans, so I opt to buy Hormel (No Beans) Chili. In any event, I tend to flavor my Hormel (No Beans) Chili with the usual chili seasonings — chili powder, black pepper, Tabasco sauce — and I sometimes even add basil (how daring) and shredded cheddar cheese; I always serve the Hormel (No Beans) Chili atop a bed of brown rice.

But last night I was at the movies, and while sitting in the theater chewing thoughtfully on my popcorn, I was suddenly overcome with an inexplicable craving for Hormel (No Beans) Chili garnished with…PINEAPPLE. At first I ignored the craving, but it continued nagging me for the duration of the film, and for a good part of today. So this evening I pulled on my good old walking shoes, made my way over to Food Emporium, and picked myself up a can of Hormel (No Beans) Chili and some, uh, pineapple.

While my Hormel (No Beans) Chili was simmering, I agonized over how to incorporate the pineapple. Should I dice the pineapple and garnish atop the finished chili? Fold it into the simmering chili? I passed on the latter, because I thought the pineapple might become soggy, and the last thing I wanted in my Jenny’s Great Hormel (No Beans) Pineapple Chili Experiment was soggy pineapples. Yuck! I Googled “chili pineapple recipe,” and was unable to find any other freakish person’s recipe incorporating beef chili and pineapples (although I’m sure a good recipe exists somewhere, feel free to share). After some final consideration, I ended up dicing the pineapples, turning off the stove, haphazardly tossing in the diced pineapples, and running away screaming like a little boy and pumping my tiny fists into my living room wall, speculating on the chili results.

After I cooled down, I returned to the kitchen to inspect my Jenny’s Great Hormel (No Beans) Pineapple Chili Experiment, and let me tell you: My kitchen was HOT! The finished chili filled my apartment with the delicious aroma of spicy chili and sweet pineapples. I delicately placed my Jenny’s Great Hormel (No Beans) Pineapple Chili atop a bed of, uh, whole wheat cous cous (I realized I was out of brown rice, and I need my starch in any form possible, what do you want from me?) and sat down in front of a Simpsons re-run with my little experiment.

And let me tell you, Jenny’s Great Hormel (No Beans) Pineapple Chili Experiment was a success! The spices and sugar worked surprisingly well together, and I managed to incorporate three of the four food groups (after turning 25 recently, I decided I should start eating square meals, but as far as I’m concerned a triangle meal is healthy enough). Now, for all of you vegetarians out there, I often eat Health Valley Spicy Vegetarian Chili (although I’m the farthest thing from a vegetarian) and find it delicious, and I assume this recipe will work with vegetarian chili as well. I highly recommend trying a form of this dish. I await your culinary results.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 30th, 2005 at 8:54 pm and is filed under Food. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.